I am watching this old video of myself and feeling yuck.

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I have always wondered what is it about the past that makes us nostalgic. Is it the overnight obsession with all things lost to time, or just an emotional journey we must undergo so that we can make peace with the present? None of these make sense to me so when I look back at my old pictures or videos, I feel a sense of embarrassment that I sucked so much. The only thing I totally dig is what I scribbled in my notes – those poems, those tiny little sentences packing a world of wisdom or angst or pain or passion that could never make me disown them.

This video is from a busy afternoon in sweltering summer years ago when I was at the IIT-Delhi with a colleague to discuss the budgetary allocation announced in the Union Budget. I felt weird having to put on makeup for the shoot so I requested the in-house makeup person to dab just the minimum she could. I am always fond of kohl so that’s the only abundant accessory here, I guess. But let’s talk about what I am talking. I am telling this to this younger self: “Girl, you could be very critical, very very critical of the government, right?”

Anyway. That was then. Bookmarking the video here just for memory sake:

ok, kid, this is pretty average.

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